Boohoo For The Millionaire

Some time ago, my friends and I were discussing Britney Spears' troubles--not the "divorce/drugs/head-shaving/custody loss/VMA stiff dancing" troubles--but back when things were much simpler and Brit Brit had "married to K-Fed and driving little Sean Preston around without a car seat" kind of troubles. Grown Woman, a new mom herself, sympathized with Brit because of how difficult it must be for Brit to have all of her new mother struggles documented by the media. Poor poor Britney. Poor Britney? She's rich! Earlier this year, Brit was estimated as being worth $100 million and according to Forbes magazine, she is believed to be the 12th richest woman in entertainment. Boohoo for the millionaire! No, money doesn't solve all of your problems--that is obvious. But it sure does help. Most of us have to get up every day and go to work to pay the mortgage and a gazillion other bills. But if you're a multi-millionaire, you would never have to be concerned about financial security and that's one big worry NOT to have. So Boo friggin' hoo for Britney. She needs to get some intensive counseling, spend some quality time with her family, get her priorities straight, and take her behind to church.

But Brit Brit isn't the only one who's made me think, "Boohoo." Here are some others...

Kanye West - He threw a temper tantrum after he was forced to perform in (gasp) a suite at the 2007 VMAs and failed to win any awards. He ranted and raved about not performing on the "big" stage and how he made the song "Stronger" to be played in stadiums. (Really? A song that includes the line "I would do anything for a blond d*ke" was made for stadiums? Who knew?). He went on and on about how he should have opened the VMAs instead of Britney because she hasn't had a hit record in 5 million years. (rude, but funny). Ye has VOWED to never appear on MTV again. Cry me a friggin' river. West was ranked number 8 on Forbes Hip Hop Cash Kings List and earned an estimated $17 million in 2006 alone. So put the booze down Ye, go shopping for a pink sweater in Italy and relax with your millions.

50 Cent - After he was trounced domestically in his album release battle with the aforementioned Ye, 50 had more excuses than enough. His record company didn't promote him right, Def Jam bought copies of Kanye's cds to make it sell better, people are hating on him and have higher expectations for him because he's so fantastic..... He also threatened to release an album every time Def Jam had a major record release. (maybe called "Half a Dollar's Revenge"). Wah Wah Wah. Man up rich boy and take your loss with a little backbone. 50 earned an estimated $32 million in 2006 and is worth many millions more. So Curtis, please stop your whining, go sit in a corner and drink some vitamin water.

Kim Porter (Diddy's Ex and likely Future) - Porter broke up with P. Diddy after discovering that he had another little infant in Atlanta, Georgia. She up and moved everything out of the couple's NY home and bounced! Initially, you think, oh that's so sad, they just had twins, were on the cover of Essence magazine, that's awful. Boohoo. Porter's got 3 little Diddies, two of whom are infants--she's STRAIGHT. Porter is gonna be alright with some healing time, some get myself together time, and a portion of Diddy's $500 million fortune.


So readers, the next time you see some celebrity trouble or some rich person whining--put things in perspective, say "Boohoo for the millionaire'" and then take your behind back to work.

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